Grief support · loss of a child
Grief counseling after the loss of a child
There are no words big enough for the death of a child, and I will not pretend to have them. What I can offer is a place where your child can be spoken about, where your grief does not have to be managed for anyone else's comfort, and where you will be met with steadiness and care for as long as you need. This is for parents who have lost a child of any age, in any way.
Telehealth only, by secure video or audio, for people physically located in California. Laurie, LMFT.
What this grief work looks like with me
Parents often tell me that the world expects them to recover in a matter of months, and that people stop saying their child's name. Here, your child's name is welcome. You can tell me who they were, share what you remember, and talk about the day they died, or not, as you choose. You set the pace. Nothing is forced and nothing is rushed.
The grief of a parent is unlike other grief. It can feel like it breaks the natural order of things, and it can shake your faith, your sense of meaning and your trust in the future. It can also strain a marriage, because two parents rarely grieve in the same rhythm, and it can leave surviving children needing you at a time when you have very little to give. We can work with all of it, and with you as a whole person, not only as a grieving parent.
When a death was sudden or traumatic, the way it happened can intrude on your memories of your child's life. Images, sounds and moments can replay. I am EMDR certified, and when it fits, EMDR and somatic work can reduce the intensity of those intrusive memories, so that the grief and the love can come forward more fully.
Healing here does not mean forgetting or letting go. It means finding ways to carry your child with you, to stay connected to them, and slowly to let life hold moments of peace and even joy again, without feeling that joy is a betrayal. If faith is part of your life, it is welcome in this work, whether it is a comfort to you now or something you are struggling with.
Your child's life mattered, however long it was.
You are still their parent.
Whoever your child was
An adult child
Parents who lose adult children are sometimes overlooked, because people assume grief shrinks as children grow. It does not. You lost your child, and a whole future with them.
A young child or teenager
The loss of a young life brings a particular kind of anguish, and often a daily reckoning with the absence in your home, your schedule and your family.
A sudden or violent death
An accident, an overdose, a suicide, an act of violence. When the death was traumatic, trauma and grief are tangled together, and both need care.
After an illness
Months or years of treatment, hope and fear. Parents who cared for a seriously ill child often carry exhaustion and hospital memories alongside their grief.
How we would work
We start with a free 20-minute consult by phone, text or video. You can tell me as much or as little as you want, and I will tell you honestly whether I think I can help. There is no pressure in that call and no obligation afterward.
If we go ahead, sessions are by secure video or audio anywhere in California, so you can meet from your own home and stay there afterward. I also work with couples, so if you and your partner want to come together for some sessions, we can talk about that. Grief is my primary specialty, and I draw on what fits you: expressive work to honor and remember your child, Internal Family Systems for the parts of you carrying guilt, anger or despair, somatic work for grief held in the body, and EMDR for traumatic memories.
- The death of a child of any age
- Sudden, traumatic or violent loss
- Loss after a long illness
- Grief that strains a marriage or partnership
- Parenting surviving children while grieving
- Questions of faith, meaning and purpose after loss
- Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays
Questions bereaved parents ask
- Will this pain ever get easier?
- I will not tell you it will disappear, because you would rightly not believe me. What many parents describe, over time, is that the grief changes. It becomes less constant, less all-consuming, and more woven into a life that also holds other things. That change is not forgetting. It is learning to carry your child with you.
- My partner and I are grieving so differently.
- That is very common, and it can be painful. One of you may want to talk about your child constantly while the other cannot bear to. One may throw themselves into work while the other cannot get out of bed. Neither is wrong. Working on this, alone or together, can help you understand each other and grieve alongside each other rather than apart.
- Is it wrong that I sometimes feel angry, or numb?
- No. Anger, numbness, guilt, envy of other families and moments of unexpected laughter are all part of the grief of a parent. None of them means you loved your child any less. All of it can be spoken here.
- Where can I find support between sessions?
- Many parents find it helpful to connect with other bereaved parents, who understand in a way others cannot. Peer organizations such as The Compassionate Friends have chapters across California and meet online as well. We can talk about what kind of support feels right for you. If you ever feel you cannot keep yourself safe, please call or text 988, or call 911.
Your child can be spoken about here
If you are carrying this loss and would like somewhere to bring it, please reach out, whenever you are ready. Text or email and we will find a time to talk. Telehealth only, by secure video or audio, for people physically located in California. Laurie, LMFT.