Specialty · grief and loss
Grief therapy in California
Grief is central in my practice. I work with adults, seniors, couples and families who have lost an animal, person or situation in life. I also work with people grieving something no one else fully understood. This may be something that happened and is now gone, or something long wished for that never happened. We do not try to erase sorrow or desires. We give them somewhere to be witnessed so that pain lessens, and new kinds of fulfillment can take place.
Telehealth only, by secure video or audio, for people physically located in California. Laurie, LMFT.
What grief work looks like with me
Grief needs a place to be witnessed and embraced. Most people arrive having already been told, gently or otherwise, to move on, to stay strong, to be grateful instead, to think of others. That advice asks you to make your grief smaller, so it is easier for the room. My work goes the other direction.
Rather than trying to erase your grief, receive help to express, embrace and transform it. Despite commonly believed ideas, people discover that grief includes joy and sorrow, bliss and pain, work and ease, and much more. Expression comes first, in whatever form fits you: talking, writing, drawing, moving, or simply sharing with another who is accepting. Embracing comes next, which is the slow work of letting grief be part of your life rather than an intruder in it. Transformation eventually leads to more peace, joy and gratitude. It never fully ends. You will have times of sorrow and longing that are more manageable and held in peace rather than dysregulation. It is the point where the gift of love and the feelings of loss live inside you with more acceptance and ease.
I do not sort your feelings into correct and incorrect. Anger at the person who died, relief that the illness is over, guilt about a phone call you did not make, envy of friends whose parents are still alive, laughter in the middle of a memory: all of it is allowed here, and all of it indicates you are a living, breathing human who cares about life.
Grief is not a disease. Grief is a sign of life and love.
Grief occurs because we feel, we love, and we care.
Grief is a blend of love, sorrow, gratitude, longing and much more.
Grief can be about many different life experiences
The loss of an animal companion
Many people find losing an animal friend to be the most heart-challenging experience they have ever had. Being met with complete compassion and empathy is very important.
A diagnosis
Your own or someone else's. Grief for the career, social circle, financial situation, family reality, body you had, the plans you made, and the version of the years ahead you had assumed you would get. Grief for the life you thought you would be living today.
Never born children
Many women and men assume they will raise human children. The biological clock runs out and it never happened. Honoring the complex depth of feeling and thought this causes is an important aspect of self-love and healing.
The human family, or husband/wife forever
Family estrangement and a life without a forever spouse are now very common, leaving invisible scars in the heart and psyche. A safe place to heal from this is valuable and necessary.
Loss of a parent, spouse or child
When in ongoing profound pain, a place to safely talk, receive support and find ways to heal is important and honoring of life.
How we would work
We start with a free 20-minute consult by phone, text or video. You describe what happened and what you need; I tell you honestly whether I offer what you seek. You feel into that for yourself. There is no pressure in that call and no obligation afterward.
If we go ahead, sessions are weekly to begin with, by secure video or audio anywhere in California. Early on we mostly build a place where the loss can be spoken about fully. From there I draw on what fits you: Internal Family Systems for the parts of you that disagree about grieving, somatic work for the grief the body is holding, EMDR when a death was sudden or traumatic — I am EMDR certified — and expressive approaches like writing, art, voice and movement when words run out.
- Loss of a partner, parent, child, sibling or friend
- Sudden, traumatic, or ambiguous loss
- Anticipatory grief and caregiving
- Grief that surfaced years later
- Pet loss, which is a common and profound grief
- Grief alongside anxiety, depression or trauma
- Grief due to a deeply desired dream that has not come true
- Grief from the loss of a life once lived and loved
Questions people ask about grief
- How long does grief last?
- There is no schedule. Grief is not an illness that runs a fixed course, and it does not move in tidy stages. It tends to change shape rather than end: sharper at first, then quieter, then loud again on an ordinary Tuesday. Some people notice more room to breathe within a few months of steady work; others carry a love that keeps asking to be spoken about for years, and that is not a symptom of doing it wrong. I will not give you a timeline, because I would be inventing one.
- Is it normal that I feel relief as well as sadness?
- Yes, and it is far more common than people admit out loud. Relief often sits beside sorrow after a long illness, a hard caregiving season, a difficult relationship, or a death that ended someone's suffering. Grief is a blend of love, sorrow, gratitude, longing and much more, and relief belongs in that blend. In session we can let all of it be true at once, without you having to defend the parts that feel unacceptable.
- Everyone says I should be over this by now
- People say that because grief makes them uncomfortable, not because they have measured yours. Grief that arrives late, out of order, or long after the funeral is still grief. So is grief that returns at an anniversary, a birthday, a smell in the kitchen. What you are describing is usually loneliness on top of loss: the loss itself, plus the effort of hiding it to keep other people at ease. That second weight is one we can set down here.
- What actually happens in a grief session?
- We talk, and I listen closely. You tell me who or what you lost, and what has been impossible to say elsewhere. We may work with memory, with the body, with writing, with images, with parts of you that disagree about how much to feel. Nothing is forced and nothing is rushed. Sessions are by secure video, so you can do this from your own room, with your own tea, and stay there afterward instead of driving home.
You can bring this here
If you have been carrying a loss quietly, text or email and we will find a time to talk. Easing the weight is the beginning of this work, not the end of it; what I am working toward with you is peace, joy and a renewed sense of purpose, held in whatever framework is yours. Telehealth only, by secure video or audio, for people physically located in California. Laurie, LMFT.