Specialty · couples
Couples therapy in California
Most couples who come to me are not failing. They are two decent people caught in a pattern that neither of them chose and neither of them can stop on their own: the same argument in a new costume, a slow drift into living like roommates, a hurt that never quite healed. I work with the pattern between you rather than deciding who is right, and I work toward more ease, more warmth and more genuine partnership.
Telehealth only, by secure video or audio, for people physically located in California. Laurie, LMFT.
What couples work looks like with me
In the first sessions I want to understand both of you, and the relationship as a third thing with a life of its own. How did you meet? What drew you to each other? When did the current trouble begin, and what does a typical hard moment look like, beat by beat? I listen for the loop: what one of you does when you feel unseen, what the other does in response, and how that response confirms the first person's fear.
Once the loop is visible, it becomes much less personal. You can start to see that criticism is often a protest against distance, and withdrawal is often an attempt to keep the peace. From there we practice something different, in the session itself, with me slowing things down so that each of you can actually hear the other. Real change in couples work usually happens in those slowed-down moments rather than in advice.
I have thought about relationships for a long time. I wrote a book on them, Creative Intimacy: A Guide to Improved Relationships, and couples work has been part of my practice for many years. I also know that couples therapy works best when both people feel it is fair. I will not take sides, and if either of you feels I am, I want you to tell me.
Beyond easing the conflict, I am interested in what the two of you are building: more joy, more play, more shared purpose, and a relationship that supports each of you in becoming more fully yourselves. For couples whose faith or spiritual life matters to them, that part is welcome in the room too, in your own language.
Two people, one pattern between them.
We work on how you meet each other, not who is right.
What couples often bring
The same argument, again
The topic changes, money, chores, family, time, and the fight underneath stays the same. We find the pattern under the topic, because that is where the change happens.
Distance and drift
Nothing dramatic, just less. Less touch, less talk, less curiosity. Many couples wait years before treating drift as worth addressing. It is, and it responds to attention.
Rebuilding trust
After a betrayal, a secret or a broken promise, both people are hurting, differently. We make room for the hurt, for honest repair, and for the slow work of trusting again, if that is what you both want.
Big transitions
A new child, children leaving home, retirement, illness, a move, a loss. Transitions put pressure on the ways you have always coordinated your lives, and we can help you find new ones.
Deciding what comes next
Sometimes a couple is not sure whether to stay together. Therapy can be a place to think that through honestly and kindly, without either of you being pushed toward an answer.
How we would work
We start with a free 20-minute consult by phone, text or video, ideally with both of you on the call. You describe what is happening and what you are hoping for, and I tell you honestly whether I think I am the right fit. There is no pressure and no obligation afterward.
Couples sessions are by secure video. You can join together from the same room, or from two places if you live apart or one of you travels, as long as both of you are physically in California at the time of the session. Sessions are $325, and early on we usually meet weekly. I draw on Internal Family Systems, AEDP, somatic and mindfulness work, and my own Positive Re-Narrative and Repatterning, and I use what fits the two of you.
- Recurring conflict and communication breakdown
- Emotional distance, or feeling like roommates
- Rebuilding trust after a betrayal
- Parenting, blended family and in-law strain
- Transitions: a new baby, an empty nest, retirement
- Grief and loss that one or both of you are carrying
- Differences in faith, values or life direction
Questions couples ask
- Does couples therapy work over video?
- Yes, and for many couples it works better than driving to an office after work. You are in your own space, the conversation can continue naturally afterward, and it is far easier to schedule. Each of you should be able to see and hear me clearly. Some couples sit side by side at one screen, and others join from separate devices so that each face is easy to see.
- What if my partner is reluctant?
- That is very common. Often one person has been wanting help for a while and the other worries that therapy will turn into a trial with them as the defendant. It will not. You are welcome to share this page, and the free consult is a low-stakes way for a reluctant partner to meet me and ask whatever they want before deciding.
- Do you take sides?
- No. My loyalty is to the relationship and to each of you as people. That does not mean pretending every behavior is equal, and if something is harmful I will say so. If either of you is afraid of the other, please tell me privately, because couples sessions are not the right place to start when safety is in question.
- What does couples therapy cost?
- Couples sessions are $325. I am out of network, which means I do not bill insurance directly, but I provide a superbill you can submit to your plan for possible out-of-network reimbursement. Coverage for couples sessions varies a great deal between plans, so it is worth asking your insurer before you begin. Full detail is on the fees page.
If the two of you keep ending up in the same place
You do not need to agree on everything before reaching out, including whether therapy is a good idea. Text or email and we will find a time for a first conversation. Telehealth only, by secure video or audio, for people physically located in California. Laurie, LMFT.